What a WEEK.
I took last Thursday off from this newsletter, mostly because my eyes were glued to John King and his election maps on CNN. It was incredibly stressful and taking a break to read or write about books may have been wise, but I simply did not.
Since then, I hope you’ve been able to take some time to celebrate Trump’s loss. There’s still so much work to be done, and I (like many people) am already wary of the complacency that will come along with having a Democratic president in office.
Still, the fact that a piece of racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, and homophobic garbage is on its way out of the White House is well worth celebrating.
At the very least, please enjoy this TikTok of a sleep-deprived Don Lemon losing all semblance of chill, or this one with a timely take on the “meteor/meatier” format.
Then, maybe put your phone down and read a book.
— Becca
I’m Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya
Nonfiction, August 2018
Coming in at just 85 pages, I’m Afraid of Men packs a punch. And though it’s classified as memoir, I read it more like one long, sometimes meandering essay that uses a combination of personal experiences and thoughtful observations to encourage the reader to rethink their own ideas about gender.
As a trans woman, Vivek Shraya knows all too well what it’s like to have gender imposed on her. She was bullied as a boy for being too feminine, and had to learn to perform masculinity to survive her childhood. Later, after transitioning, she faced acts of cruelty and aggression for not being feminine enough.
Through stories spanning from her childhood to her 30s, we see that gender, for her, has always required a degree of performance. We also see that this “requirement” comes from pervasive toxic masculinity, misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia.
And in between these stories, Shraya untangles the confusing mess of gendered expectations.
She explores, for example, the ways in which the bullying she experienced as a child for being “too feminine” was rooted not only in homophobia, but in misogyny. Later, she reflects on the ways she inadvertently exhibited misogynistic behavior when she “was a man” (in her words), while using the defense that she “adored women.”
It’s an impressively honest and introspective piece of writing. And above all, it does an excellent job of illustrating just how ridiculous and damaging traditional gender expectations can be—and why we’d all be better off reimagining them:
“Out of this fear comes a desire not only to reimagine masculinity but to blur gendered boundaries altogether and celebrate gender creativity. It’s not enough to let go of the misplaced hope for a good or better man. It’s not enough to honor femininity. Both of these options might offer a momentary respite from the dangers of masculinity, but in the end they only perpetuate a binary and the pressure that bears down when we live at different ends of the spectrum.”
Queer points:
+7 for a cover blurb from Tegan and Sarah
+8 for a moment of gender exploration involving a powder blue Jordache jacket
Buy it from Indigo