#31: The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend Is My Girlfriend
On advice columns, St. Vincent, and a very well-written TV show
Good morning!
Has anyone else watched Work In Progress? Alanna and I saw the trailer while watching Couples Therapy(another criminally underrated Showtime show), and devoured all eight episodes.
Showtime describes it as being about “a 45-year-old self-identified fat, queer dyke’s misfortunate and despair,” which sums up the general premise nicely. But if that doesn’t pull you in immediately, it’s also the best-written television I’ve watched in a very long time and features brilliant appearances by Julia Sweeney and Weird Al. I could go on, but instead I will simply recommend this clip. (CW for the show: suicidal ideation and transphobia.)
The only other thing of note I watched this week was the trailer for St. Vincent’s new mockumentary, The Nowhere Inn. I can’t tell if it actually looks good, but it does have a scene with Annie Clark and Dakota Johnson in lingerie, being filmed by Carrie Brownstein:
I will be watching.
— Becca
The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend Is My Girlfriend: Advice on Queer Dating, Love, and Friendship by Maddy Court and Kelsey Wroten
Non-fiction, May 2021
I’ve always loved an advice column. One of my favorite photos to come out of six consecutive summers at church camp (!) is of my childhood best friend and I sitting lakeside, 14 years old, heads together, staring intently at something resting on the ground. Our youth leaders may have assumed we were reading over some daily devotionals. Incorrect.
We were poring over an issue of Cosmo, sneakily procured from the checkout line at a local supermarket. More specifically, we were fixated on the advice section, where women wrote in with questions like “How do I know when I’m ready to have sex?” and “Why do I look terrible in low rise jeans?”
I’m not sure if I realized then that the advice they published was comically bad. But the interesting part of those Q&As for me was rarely ever the answers—it was more about the specific concerns, insecurities, and fears that drove women to reach out to a stranger for guidance. There’s something deeply relatable about that need for validation and help, regardless of the question at hand. Also, some of the situations were very dramatic, and I love other people’s drama.
Ex-Girlfriend delivers that same kind of vulnerability in its questions, and it’s a hundred times more satisfying to read given that it’s all very queer. And the answers are, obviously, much more helpful and ethically sound.
Most are written by Maddy Court, the woman behind the lesbian meme account @xenaworrierprincess. If you’re queer and somehow not following her, I recommend you take a quick pause from this newsletter and go rectify that.
Court tackles subjects ranging from crushes and heartbreak to friendship and community, all with the kindness and practicality you’d expect from a self-described “pragmatic midwestern lesbian.” She also enlists the help of guest contributors Ellen Kempner, JD Samson, Kalyn Rose Hefferman, Lola Pellegrino, Mey Rude, Samantha Irby, and Tyler Ford to offer their perspectives on subjects outside of her experience. My favorite of these is from JD Samson, who gives advice to a 15-year-old lesbian in a love triangle using the wisdom she’s learned “as someone who has transitioned through, and into, Full Dyke Mode.”
Each of the questions is accompanied by neon, hot pink and bright yellow illustrations by comics artist Kelsey Wroten, which match the tone of the book perfectly. It’s a genuinely joyful read, even when the questions are about tough subjects like coming out to a homophobic family, navigating a crushing breakup, and figuring out how to remedy an unsatisfying sexual relationship.
After finishing this book, my first thought was that I’d immediately buy a second volume if that ever comes into existence. My second was that I wish I knew a teenage queer to give this to, because I know how helpful it would’ve been to me a decade or so ago. If you happen to be looking for a gift idea for a baby gay in your life, this is it. You’re welcome.
Thanks to Chronicle Books for the ARC!
Queer points:
+7 for a question involving “a bad incident with an attempted threesome with my ex-best friend”
+9 for a three-page question all about a relationship between two internet girlfriends who may or may not have ever met in person
Buy it from your favorite local bookstore on Bookshop